What Happy Couples Do: Argue

You are talking to your friend about your argument last night with your wife. After venting and beginning to feel a bit better, you ask him about the last time he and his wife argued. He can’t remember. In fact, in the past few years, he genuinely thinks they haven’t had a single fight.

Sounds like your friend has a great relationship, right? Wrong.

There is a fine line in a relationship between too much and too little arguing. Certainly arguing too much can be a sign that your relationship is in distress. If this is going on, the culprit could be many things. Maybe you and your spouse are having difficulty concretely communicating. Maybe you and your spouse are going through a stressful time and are having trouble coping.

If you are arguing too little, this can also be a problem. When you put two people who were raised in what were likely two completely different families with two completely different backgrounds, the odds are there are going to be some disagreements. If there aren’t, this can signal just as much if not more distress. In these cases, it is possible one or both partners have shut down and aren’t actively engaged in the relationship or making it work. Maybe you feel so rejected or vulnerable around your partner other after years of arguing and trouble communicating that you don’t feel safe to share your feelings anymore. Whatever the reason, a lack of communication is never a good sign.

While there is always the possibility of too much of a good thing, the occasional argument can actually be a sign of a healthy relationship. In these instances, both partners are actively engaged with each other. They are sharing their feelings and thoughts and feel safe enough to be vulnerable and disagree because they know they will be able to partner with one another to work it out.

Concerned about whether you are arguing too much with your spouse? Or worried you have stopped communicating and are disconnected? Email info@rachelpokorneytherapy.com .

Please keep in mind that communications via email over the internet are not secure. Although it is unlikely, there is a possibility that information you include in an email can be intercepted and read by other parties besides the person to whom it is addressed.

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